Tell her she can't have a vagina
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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