Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
