im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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