after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
