Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
