FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
