come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
