Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
