Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
