I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
