Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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