But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
