Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
