Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
