Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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