you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
