Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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