Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
