Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
