just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
