ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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