Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
