...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
