I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
