you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
