My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
