sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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