Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
