Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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