We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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