you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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