hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
