I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
