I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
