idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
