Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
