so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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