I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
