I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
