Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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