Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
