Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
