dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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