my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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