As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
