3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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