Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
