The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
