just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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