I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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