do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
