i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
