spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
