smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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