omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
